Overturning the Wishes of an Organ Donor (2/2)

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Mar 5, 2011 13:35
Next, decision itself has no meaning if it is possible for others to change what donor decided before one’s death. In that case, nobody could feel that their wish will be respectful in the future. In a way, decision equals what has to be done by who have decided.

Finally, the system of an organ donation depends on the wishes. For example, we are required to carry cards with us which show whether or not we give our organ after death. Added to this, they play an important role in the condition of organ donation.

In conclusion, relatives should be permitted to overturn wishes of an organ donor.
borrrden
Thank you for your correction!
Mar 5, 2011 17:18
  • Next, decision itself has no meaning if it is possible for others to change what donor decided before one’s death.

  • Next, a decision itself has no meaning if it is possible for others to change it before one’s death.

 
  • In that case, nobody could feel that their wish will be respectful in the future.

  • In that case, nobody will feel that their wishes will be respected in the future.

 
  • In a way, decision equals what has to be done by who have decided.

  • In a way, decision equals what has to be done by who have decided. わかりません

 
  • Finally, the system of an organ donation depends on the wishes.

  • Finally, the system of an organ donation depends on the wishes.　何のwishes?

 
  • For example, we are required to carry cards with us which show whether or not we give our organ after death.

  • For example, we are required to carry cards with us which show whether or not we want to donate our organs after death.

 
  • Added to this, they play an important role in the condition of organ donation.

  • Added to this, These cards play an important role in the condition of organ donation.

 
  • In conclusion, relatives should be permitted to overturn wishes of an organ donor.

  • In conclusion, relatives should not be permitted to overturn wishes of an organ donor.

 

最後の文章は不要です。同じことを繰り返すだけじゃだめです、作文にとっては。

Mar 5, 2011 18:58 tomomonkey
Thanks.

I have learned in my private school that all we have to do in conclusion is just to change the expression of the introduction.

Could you please teach me what and how to write conclusion?

Mar 5, 2011 19:18 borrrden
Yes, change the introduction, not simply repeat it word for word. It feels like a high school student trying to quickly finish an essay if you do that :(. You should use the points that you made in the body when you say your conclusion.

Also, each paragraph should have at least 5 sentences.

Mar 5, 2011 19:30 tomomonkey
OK, I got it!!
I will try it out next time.

You advice is really reasonable about adding more sentenses.
But the requirement is this:
Length, arouund 200 words
structure, intruduction-body(always 3 points)-conclusion
(time, 20 minutes)

Well, it is very hard for me, but I never give up!!

Thanks, borrrden!!

Mar 5, 2011 22:01 borrrden
In that case, at least 3 sentences per paragraph will be ok. Also, try to make your conclusion wrap up your points. The introduction should introduce your standpoint and an overview of your reasons, the body should explain those reasons, and the conclusion should reinforce why those reasons support your standpoint.

Mar 5, 2011 22:01 tomomonkey
OK, I will do according to your advice!
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Next, decision itself has no meaning if it is possible for others to change what donor decided before one’s death. In that case, nobody could feel that their wish will be respectful in the future. In a way, decision equals what has to be done by who have decided. Finally, the system of an


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