Political activities at Olympic Games

Political activities at the Olympic Games

It is prohibited for athletes to do political activities at the Olympic Games.

-- One says “I’d like to give my cordial sympathy to victims of Tiananmen Square Incident.”

-- One says “I cannot read my sister’s letter without crying, who died because of the Iraq war.”

-- One says “I want to show my strenuous effort to my countrymen being exploited by capitalists for centuries.

Because, more and more people would be excited watching competitions.

Political Displays at Olympic Games

"Political activities" would mean that you are doing the act of politics. However, holding a sign up or protesting or writing about politics is not a political "activity". It is a display of politics - or, if you want to make it into a title, a "Political Display".

-- One says “I deeply appreciate my home land, Takeshima, which nurtured me.”

"One says" is not necessary whenever you are listing quotes. You can just write the quote. Otherwise, this is perfect!

-- One says “I want to show my strenuous effort for my countrymen, who have been exploited by capitalist for centuries.

You should use present perfect continuous tense ("have been") because the exploitation started in the past and continues to this day.

Also, I would use "for" instead of "to" because your strenuous effort is a "gift".

For example, "I bought these flowers for my mother." instead of, "I bought these flowers to my mother." ... Similarly, your "strenuous effort" is a "gift" to your countrymen.

-- One says “I’ll give my victory for the queen of my country.”

I would say, "This victory is for the queen of my country."

English speakers will sometimes say, "I dedicate this victory to..." but it is weird to say, "I give my victory to.." This is a difficult distinction, but it is just not something we say in English.

-- One says “I’ll give my victory to the deceased president, Saddam Hussein.”

Again, the same thing here.

English speakers will sometimes say, "I dedicate this victory to..." but it is weird to say, "I give my victory to.." This is a difficult distinction, but it is just not something we say in English.

That’s why, more and more people would be excited watching competitions.

I would phrase these last 2 sentences like this:

"Why do we not permit any political displays in the Olympics? Doing so would make more people excited to watch the competition."

I added "in the Olympics" because, usually, whenever someone writes about something they will end their writing with what they are talking about. It is more.. clear to write like that. We are taught to cleary start (we usually call this a "thesis") our writing with what we are talking about, and also to end (we usually call this a "conclusion") clearly with what we are talking about. So, because of this we usually end with something similar to our title.

Title: "Political Displays in the Olympics"
One of the concluding sentences: "Why do we not allow political displays in the Olympics?"