Slings?

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Sep 20, 2016 00:12
I’ve been in the States for quite a while, and have accumulated some basketball buddies who like to joke. Once, I strained and injured my shoulder. It was not serious, and would recover after just a period of rest.

Later, that bunch of playful dudes came to me and asked me to take some shots with them. I said I was sorry because my shoulder had been injured in a previous game.

They joked, “Don’t try to fool us! It can’t be true! You must’ve fallen off a sling!”

“What’s a sling?” I asked innocently.

Seeing my blank facial expression, they laughed even harder. In the end, one of them told me that a sling was actually a sex device, and then I caught on the joke.

Over the next few weeks, I sometimes gave in to temptation and played basketball with them, so my muscle never got a chance to recover. Then, I went to the school infirmary to see a nurse.

The nurse said to me, “Have you ever tried a sling?”

I got upset. “Why does everyone mention slings to poke fun at me?” I said, “No! No!”

She explained, “You should give it a try, because it might help your shoulder to recover. It supports your arm, and reduces the weight on your shoulder.”

I thought, “Hmmm, sounds nice. I read in an ad that they defy gravity.” Then, I said, “But I don’t have one.”

“No worries. I can give you one.”

My mind started racing, “WHAT? They offer slings here? No wonder so many people fantasize about nurses!”

I said, “Slings are expensive…”

She said, “Not at all. They’re disposable and for free.”

I was shocked and said, “Disposable? It's such a waste! What’s it made of?”

“Paper.”

Jaw agape, I asked, “Paper? How can it hold a human body?”

She paused and then burst into laughter, went into a room and came back out with a piece of fabric and a strap.

Seeing that, I suddenly blushed.

[This article is a translation. A Chinese student in the US wrote the Chinese version in answer to the question, "What was the most embarrassing situation you ever met?" on Zhihu (the Chinese version of Quora).]
我到美国有好一段时间了,也交了几个球友,可惜交友不慎,尽是一些损友。有次打球不小心,肩膀肌肉拉伤,也不太严重,静养一段时间就好。

球友来约,我说打球把肩膀伤了不能打。那帮损友就拿我寻开心:什么打球伤的,别骗人了,你准是玩sling掉下来伤的。

我还一脸纯洁地问:什么是sling?

那帮坏人就哈哈大笑,看我傻傻地摸不着头脑,他们笑得更厉害了。终于有个好心人告诉我了,sling 是一种情趣用具。

有时候禁不起球友诱惑,肩伤没好透就又去打球,反反复复,很长时间一直不好。于是我去了校医院,一个护士接待了我。

护士说:你试过sling吗?

我一听就来气,怎么人人都拿sling取笑我?我说:没有!没有!

她说:你可以试试,sling可以帮助肩伤恢复。因为手臂吊起来摆脱重力,能减轻肩部的负担。

(我想:这倒也是,广告都说是零重力啥啥的...)

我说:哎,可惜我没有。

她说:我可以从医院给你拿一副。

(我大吃一斤,医院里面还有sling?!!! 难怪这么多人对护士充满幻想...)

我说:这?听说sling都挺贵的。你从医院拿这合适吗?

她说:不贵,我们这里有一次性的,免费。

我大吃两斤:啊?用一次就扔?这也太浪费了吧。什么材料做的?

她说:还好吧,纸做的...

我大吃三斤:纸做的?!承受得了吗?人少说也有一百斤,挂上去那不得摔了?

她怔了一下,哈哈大笑起来,走进房间,拿出一块布和一个带子。

我瞬间尴尬,满脸通红。