A hypothesis which is not worth thinking about 4

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Feb 9, 2019 22:24
I couldn't tell my friend what embarrassed me that terribly. I've encountered that situation of that question in real, while driving in snow. My ex-boyfriend was sitting in the passengers seat.
When I passed by a gentle curve on a pass, I suddenly found a car in front of us, only about 30 meters ahead. It was snowing and the road was already frozen and slippery. I stepped on the brake very softly and quickly several times, but it was obvious that the car wouldn't stop. There seemed to be only way to crash in that car.
I decided to crash my car against the crash barrier to slow down, instead to kill someone in the car ahead. But in agony I was so scared that I might kill my boyfriend because of my decision. I had to decide, because I was the only one who could do something. When he realised what I was going to do, he screamed.
My car was completely broken, but miraculously any of us didn't get injured.
Long after that he had brought up this incident again and again to blame that I'm a woman with cold blood who never cared her lover's life. I didn't think that I could explain to him how I had felt at that moment, my terror, my agony. Anyway it's all over. We're not together any more. However, I sometimes remind of my feelings when driving over the same place.
My friend's question recalled my memory. It didn't sound like a hypothesis. It was what I ever experienced. My answer hasn't change: "You mustn't even think of killing others."
I still can't help but cry recalling my terror. I might have killed someone.