英検作文対策:Do art, music, and drama help in rehabilitating prisoners?

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May 17, 2019 19:52 eiken 英検
I have been honing my essay writing skills to prepare for an English proficiency test that will be held on 2nd of June. Would you correct my essay below? I would be grateful if you could show me more proper ways to express my opinion.

[task] Write an essay on the given topic. Structure: Introduction, main body, and conclusion. Suggested length: 120-150 words.

[topic] Do art, music, and drama help in rehabilitating prisoners?

My answer: I think that art, music, and drama help in rehabilitating prisoners for the following two reasons.
First, learning how to express yourself in art, music or drama and enjoying them are sheer joy. Through the activities, you can gain self-confidence and equilibrium. It helps prisoners to learn how to deal with their negative feelings without using violence or committing illegal acts.
Second, art, music, and drama give you energy to live your life. They comfort you, even if your life doesn't go as well as you wish. Also, enjoying them allow prisoners to have a positive attitude towards your life.
For these reasons, I think that art, music, and drama help in rehabilitating prisoners.
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