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Apr 16, 2018 11:27

Recently I read a very interesting post by a girl who -I think- is pretty cool. She`s learning Italian and I often end up reading or correcting her writings. I do not correct everybody, I tend to pick the most interesting people instead. I dislike people who translate from books, people who write just sentences and those who start by saying that they really don`t know what to write. 'You are in the wrong place man', is what I think when I come across someone who writes this. Anyway, this girl (I will give her the fictional name of Nicole), this Nicole wrote, not long ago, about meeting people by using social media as for example I was very skeptical about the whole thing. First at all, I am a very skeptical person in general; second, I am cynical; third, I happen to believe I would never meet anybody interesting and probably die alone. That is due to the many mistakes I made in my youth. I wasted my chances to be happy already. Fate is punishing me for having broken up with too many perfect women. Yeah, because reality is that women are perfect while men are mostly stupid and nonsense human being, period.
Anyway, believing fate is against me, I don`t go out often, I don`t meet people and I don`t have fun. And this, despite the fact I am very good looking, smart and pretty funny. But, anyway, this time I decided to listen to Nicole and to look up at some meet.up groups. There were many of them: groups for those one who want to be confident with their body (body positive) groups for those one who want to feel good about sex (group sex??!) groups for those who want to just have fun climbing rocks and kayaking in the Wisconsin winter (a good idea, indeed) and many many others. There are people who play tennis, people who believe in deep profound connection with the universe and anxious people in Wisconsin, which is my favorite one. I cannot wait to see them and say:"Hey, how are you doing? I am a very anxious person in Madison too". I felt really awkward just looking at them. I was about to close the page and go to sleep when I saw a group of 'writers in Madison' and as I like to write too I thought that would be fun to subscribe to that group. The following meeting was in 2 weeks so I had plenty of time to deal with the idea of meeting new people, perfect strangers, potential failed writers. See, a potential failed writer belongs to a category of people I don`t trust very much. And I have my good reasons to do so: I am basically one of them. The day before the meeting I felt my throat a little sore so I thought I should`ve called it off, I cant meet up with people if I don`t feel very well. I don`t want to sneeze all the time and interrupt their speech. And also I had no good writing in English and they ask to bring something. So, I could not go. End of story. I wrote a long email to the group administration asking if I could be exempted from bringing one of my writings but she did not reply me. This group has the worst administration ever. I cannot go. Really. I put my jacket on and went out. It was a beautiful day outside and I felt like Tim Burton`s Vincent, the boy obsessed with Edgar Allan Poe who doesn`t want to go out. Anyway I reached the place, they had chosen a very nice bar for the meeting. It looks like a social club. I entered it and tried to find them. After a while, a mid-age man dressed like a wall painter brought me to them. He said nothing. He just left me there. There were seven or eight people around a table looking down and waiting for the meeting to start. So, nobody looked at me and it felt really bad. I tried to introduced myself to them. I shook hands with a couple of them but they did it without any interest. I thought it was me. I felt really bad about that. Did I say something wrong? Nope, I said nothing at all. Did I do something bad? Is it shaking hands illegal in this part of Wisconsin? Were my hands sticky? One of them start talking about putting off the meeting. Nobody looked toward me direction. Their voices were so low, inaudible to me. They were bothered by something. Was the meeting is off because of me? Nah, impossible. But, thanks God, it was off. I didn`t have to make up any excuse, I could just say goodbye and leave. But, to be honest, in 2 minutes my brain had made up billions of excuses. I forgot to close the door, the window, the car. I just remembered my old aunt is waiting for me at airport, at the train station, in Brazil. My brother doesn`t have the key! My dog is dead I am too emotional for this, I do not have the wallet, where is my jacket? I was plenty of excuses. And I was so anxious to go that for a second or two I truly believed that some of them were not excuses at all, they were just things that could possibly happen anytime soon. Ah Nicole-Nicole, you almost got me!
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