New Year's Solitude

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Jan 1, 2014 22:42
hello everyone,

Being alone is more depressing on special dates like new year's eve, valentine's day and so on... Last year, I lost almost all of my close friends. I had a society which I had worked with almost three years and last year became the president. During my presidency there had been issues and fights about everything, my soft nature stopped me from intervene, I was friend with all so I acted as their friend not a president. This behavior lead me to have really disgusting criticisms. Anyway, bad things had been said, people acted surprisingly hostile and I lost that friend circle.

We had another friend group, that ended because of the passive aggressive attitude of some. Though the number of people I consider as my close friends decreased. Of course, there are still some people around. However yesterday everyone wanted to spend the day with their boy/girlfriend. The one's don't have any boy/girlfriend were trying to find themselves one. Therefore, I was alone

I came home from my regular classes. I took a shower, dried my hair, chose a good dress, wore it, tidied my room, watched one episode of 'Californication'. Then I decided to cook my special spaghetti with awesome tomato sauce. I opened a good bottle of wine to accompany my lonely day, found some good music, prepared a playlist. I supposed to work on my summer practice report, but I said "fuck it, its new year's eve tonight", so I didn't even open the first page of it. Listening the list I have prepared for my crush, I have read a book for a while.

Around midnight I chatted with people online and checked my blogs again, wished everyone a happy new year, and success for myself. I skyped with family, after them the only people who is able to drag me out of all of my depressions. His voice calmed me, I wanted him to talk about something while I was listening him, I dozed off. In the middle of the night, when I woke up for a glass of water, I closed my computer which was already in sleeping mode.

so here is the playlist: http://8tracks.com/metis/lillies-in-my-soul-kitchen

happy new year everyone,

take care,

kardelen