Quick reference regarding my corrections:
Red: is required edit.
Blue: recommended edit
Gray: a word that you wrote that is unnecessary and that you can omit
I am James Fitzgerald. I have been using Lang-8 for over a year and a half now. I have met many friends here and I hope to meet many more! Feel free to add my twitter, facebook, skype or even my QQ at 1409981553 if you want to stay in touch not only using this website!
I am also trying for each of my corrections to post an entire re-written essay that I would write as a native speaker. So you not only have your revised sentences but a your essay topic written by a native speaker. Maybe you'll learn something!