Biography writing

Should I make it longer ?

or "Should I extend it" extend means to make something longer. So it's a little redundant.

My advent added another member to my family, which now contained five members in total, including my father, mother, an older sister, grandmother and me.

My father is a funny and wise man, who confers his words of wisdom from time to time.

My mother's is main featured as is her sensiblilty and charity. She donates a fixed sum of money to help orphans and people in need.

Both of them are strict with me about morality on the cultivation of moral values.

The original is not technically wrong, but English speakers wouldn't say it that way. The way you wrote it sounds like a translation of some Buddhist scripture.

Honesty and righteousness are were emphasized.

My parents have always expected me to be a caring, considerate and discriminating individual.

They also set a physical good example in our daily life.

Furthermore, they always express are accustomed to deliver their opinions on news reports and express their viewpoints on some social issues in order to let me judge one thing from more multiple sides, in order to not totally be swayed by the mass media.

My parents’ teaching has shaped me; their love nourishes me.

It is in this background This was the environment in which I grew up to become who I am now.

So, who I am?

While my parents have molded define the my essence, there are more have been other influences on my way to growing up.

I was born into a better-off family, and grew up without the bother of the a lack of money, which is the result of my parents’ hard work. Because they were so engaged in their work, they were able to keep a roof above our heads.

Unfortunately, the price was that they did not have much time to be with me.

Therefore, early in my childhood, I have developed an interest in books.

I am an avid reader, who reads a variety of books to widen my horizons and have an enormous, bottomless appetite for knowledge.

Enormous and bottomless are two different descriptions of the same kind of feeling. 'Bottomless' means that there is nothing to hold you back. 'Enormous' means that something is very big. Thus the figurative meanings are the same, but they cannot be used together because their literal meaning is in conflict. (You can't have an enormous nothing)

Books have had an immeasurable effect on shaping me.

They serve as my teacher. They impart imagination to me, enable me to distinguish between right and wrong and provide me an access a window to knowing the world as a whole.

Additionally, some things I have learned outside the world of books.

In the course of my education, I learned teamwork through various competitions.

Actually, I have always been passionate about participating in activities, whether sports athletic or cultural.

Sports is a noun and cultural is an adjective. If you want to combine them with a conjunction, they have to match.

In my high school days, leadership became an important ability, required when I acted as vice class leader, secretary or others.

In university, I was honored to be the basketball team leader and competed for the freshman basketball trophy.

All this combined experience has led me to where I am and gives me the courage to move on.

However, why am I so eager so much to be part of this meaningful activity?

To be honest, I was not born with a yearning to get to know international affairs.

Early in my youth, I focused much more on information about design, art, indigenous affairs and so forth.

I did not shift my attention until I entered Kaohsiung Girl’s Senior High.

All of the first letters in the specific names of places should be capitalized.

There was a girl in our class who impressed me very much by her glittering confidence, amazing eloquence and her brilliant presentation performance.

Presentation and performance are similar enough to be redundant.

After we became friends, I found out that she enjoyed foreign review magazines considerably.

If 'foreign review magazine' a specific magazine? If it is, then it should be capitalized (Foreign Review Magazine), otherwise, 'magazine' should be pluralized.

I thought it was her absorption of large amounts of information that made her stand out.

I'm not sure exactly what you mean here.

To me, She is one of an inspiration that helps me find my passion.

You shouldn't end a sentence in a preposition. You either have to change the form of passionate, as I did, or change the structure of the sentence.

To sum up, I am a person who believes that if I work hard, then at least I will have a fighting chance to be rewarded, whose core value lies in self-motivation which constantly drives me to greater challenges, whose mission is to try my best and is committed to improving the world, and whose vision is to be able to learn humbly throughout my whole lifetime.

I always bear this quote in mind: "No one can get out of this world alive.

If say that you are making a quote, then you have to use quotation marks.

So, why not experience my life to its fullest and seize every chance to make myself better?"

That is the very thing that prompts me to be write this now.

It is my hope that this biography is impressive enough to win me the opportunity to take part in this activity.