short story 1

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Mar 8, 2017 01:38
She couldn't understand why she had to accept all this tragedy.
After she woke up, she did what she should do. That's all.
Was there probably problem while taking a shower?-she changed her bodywasher- or it could be a breakfast because she ate it today. Usually, she skips her meals in the morning.
Eyes were opened and closed again. But nothing changed. Her room still looked like the Hell which she never could imagine. Lights blinked with a white Color to a black one and than to a red one again. Sounds those came from outside and inside from her were worst. Sometimes was someone shouting or screaming with fear and madness. Otherwise, was the others whispering in unrecognizable Language.

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I wrote a short story cause it ist boring to write a diary. If i have so many mistakes, could you just let me know?
Becca
Mar 8, 2017 12:02
  • After she woke up, she did what she should do.

  • After she woke up, she did what she should do., and that was all.

 
  • That's all.

  • That's all.

 
  • Was there probably problem while taking a shower?-she changed her bodywasher- or it could be a breakfast because she ate it today.

  • Was there probably problem while taking a shower? (She changed her bodywasher.) Or it could be a breakfast, because she ate it today.

 
  • Usually, she skips her meals in the morning.
  • This sentence is perfect! No correction needed!
 
  • Eyes were opened and closed again.

  • Her eyes were opened and closed again.

 
  • Lights blinked with a white Color to a black one and than to a red one again.

  • Lights blinked with a from white Color to a black, one and than then to a red one again.

    Lights blinked from white to black, and then to red.
    When mentioning colors, it is not necessary to say 'color'.
    'Than' is used for comparison, while 'then' is used to indicate order. white then black then red

 
  • Sounds those came from outside and inside from her were worst.

  • Sounds those that came from outside and inside from of her were the worst.

 
  • Sometimes was someone shouting or screaming with fear and madness.

  • Sometimes was someone was shouting or screaming with fear and madness.

 
  • Otherwise, was the others whispering in unrecognizable Language.

  • OtherwiseOther times, was the others were whispering in an unrecognizable language.

 
  • I wrote a short story cause it ist boring to write a diary.

  • I wrote a short story because it is boring to write a diary.

 
  • If i have so many mistakes, could you just let me know?

  • If i have so there are many mistakes, could you just let me know?

 
Thank you for your correction!

 
Mar 10, 2017 01:58 fireweed
  • Thank you so much! You are so kind. I have so many Mistakes XD

 
Mar 11, 2017 06:35 Becca
  • Mistakes are how you learn! I hope to one day be as fluent in another language as you are. :)
Becca
Mar 8, 2017 12:04
  • Was there probably problem while taking a shower?-she changed her bodywasher- or it could be a breakfast because she ate it today.

  • Was there a probably problem while taking a shower?-she changed her bodywasher- or it could be a breakfast because she ate it today.

 
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She couldn't understand why she had to accept all this tragedy. After she woke up, she did what she should do. That's all. Was there probably problem while taking a shower?-she changed her bodywasher- or it could be a breakfast because she ate it today. Usually, she skips her meals in the morning.


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