IELTS writing task 10

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Jun 1, 2012 21:06
This is my tenth IELTS writing task. Thank you in advance, for willing to spend some time to correct my mistakes.

•The topic is:As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing. What factors contribute to job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?

•I hope my friends can help me to correct my essay about:
1,This is a written essay, whether or not the words are colloquial
2, Can it be expressed in a more formal way
3,Better words to use so that the essay is not boring

•Here is my composition:
With the development of the society, people have less free time to enjoy their life. Most adults spend lots of their life at work, therefore, the factors which are give rise to job satisfaction have attracted persons attention recently.

There are many factors which are contribute to job satisfaction. Initially, the chance of promotion is an essential part of people to feel satisfied about their jobs. If the stuff can be promted easily through their perfect performances that they will have enthusiastic for their works. Secondly, the individuals also consider that the relationships between their workmates impact their feeling about satisfaction, because someone will work more efficiency and happier when he work with his rfiends together than work with someone he does not like all day.

Furthermore, for individuals,they will have the sense of wellbeing when they are working, if they have easy-going bosses. Nice leader will make stuff work carefree and the stuff do not have to pay much time to improve the relationship between their bosses and the stuff can absorbed in their jobs. In addition, persons' interest about jobs should not be neglected. Interest can motivate persons' passion for work and without interest people may feel their jobs are boring.

There also have some realistic factors which individuals are expected of job. Wages must come first, the stuff expect to obtain well pay and wealfare in order to make their family members can live well. What is more, have some hoildays which will be paid are also requried by some stuff and they think that it is a reward for their hard working that they should have some hoildays which will make them feel less pressure and relieve them from daily works.

To conclude, there are multiple factors have influence on persons' sense of satisfaction on jobs, for example, wages, holidays, workmates, leaders, promotion, interest and so on, consequently, when people hunt for jobs they should consider carefully so that they can get some job suit for them.

That is all! thanks~