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IELTS writing task 6
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•This is my sixth IELTS writing task. Thank you in advance, for willing to spend some time to correct my mistakes.
•The topic is:Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
•I hope my friends can help me to correct my essay about:
1,This is a written essay, whether or not the words are colloquial
2, Can it be expressed in a more formal way
3,Better words to use so that the essay is not boring
•Here is my composition:
With the development of society, we have more ways to spend our lives. Some people prefer change and they believes that change make our lives more colourful. But, others hold the opinions that change is not good for us. Change may bring our lives unexpected adverse influences. This essay will look at some of the arguments for and against.
Some persons insist on our lives requires more challenge. Firstly as for individuals, without change our lives are boring. If we do the same things everyday, we will last our enthusiasm about lives. And by change it can make us have more experience which can avoid us becoming a shortsighted person. Some change also give us somehow surprise. Secondly, as for society, change could contribute to the progress of communities. Though, some change have not created any value to the society but at least those failed change can give people some lesson.
However, different people hold different opinions. Others thinks that our lives should not doing change and we ought to doing the similar things everyday. Because no change no failture. Some challenges may bring us many adverse affects which is waste of our time and money. And change will change our routine. These people believes that we should enjoy the ways of living which we lives now. And we don't have to expect to change the ways of living now which may broke up the happiness we have had and we should content.
From my point of view,lives needs change. Change is helpful for the development of society. Though, every coin has two sides that change maybe not obtain good results, whereas most of things couldn't obtainsuccess at once. So we should give up change just for some unpredict outcomes. Therefore, Personally, I believe that we ought to spend our lives with change.
That's all,thanks!O(∩_∩)O~
•The topic is:Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
•I hope my friends can help me to correct my essay about:
1,This is a written essay, whether or not the words are colloquial
2, Can it be expressed in a more formal way
3,Better words to use so that the essay is not boring
•Here is my composition:
With the development of society, we have more ways to spend our lives. Some people prefer change and they believes that change make our lives more colourful. But, others hold the opinions that change is not good for us. Change may bring our lives unexpected adverse influences. This essay will look at some of the arguments for and against.
Some persons insist on our lives requires more challenge. Firstly as for individuals, without change our lives are boring. If we do the same things everyday, we will last our enthusiasm about lives. And by change it can make us have more experience which can avoid us becoming a shortsighted person. Some change also give us somehow surprise. Secondly, as for society, change could contribute to the progress of communities. Though, some change have not created any value to the society but at least those failed change can give people some lesson.
However, different people hold different opinions. Others thinks that our lives should not doing change and we ought to doing the similar things everyday. Because no change no failture. Some challenges may bring us many adverse affects which is waste of our time and money. And change will change our routine. These people believes that we should enjoy the ways of living which we lives now. And we don't have to expect to change the ways of living now which may broke up the happiness we have had and we should content.
From my point of view,lives needs change. Change is helpful for the development of society. Though, every coin has two sides that change maybe not obtain good results, whereas most of things couldn't obtainsuccess at once. So we should give up change just for some unpredict outcomes. Therefore, Personally, I believe that we ought to spend our lives with change.
That's all,thanks!O(∩_∩)O~
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Thank you in advance for spending some time to correct my mistakes.
•The topic is: Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoid changes.
Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.
•I hope my friends can help me correct my essay.
1. This is a written essay, regardless of whether colloquial vocabulary is used.
2. The opinions can be expressed in a formal way.
3. It is suggested that a variety of words be used so that the essay is not boring.
Some people prefer change, and they believe that change can make people's lives more colourful.
However, others hold the opposite opinion believing change is not good for us.
Change may bring our lives to unexpected and adverse influences. (vague)
This essay will look at some of the arguments for and against change.
Some people insist that our lives require more challenges.
Firstly, as individuals, life without changes would be boring.
If we do the same things everyday, we will lose enthusiasm in our lives. (I think that's what you meant)
Change gives us more experience to avoid becoming too shortsighted.
Sometimes it can also hold surprises.
Secondly, change can contribute to the progress of our communities.
Although some changes have not amounted to much in society, their failures still provide valuable lessons for people to improve.
Others thinks that our lives should not change, and we ought to do things the same way everyday.
Their reasoning? No change means no failures.
Some challenges may bring about many adverse effects that eventually waste our time, money and efforts.
Change will reroute our course in life. (another word other than "change" will sound better)
These people believe that we should enjoy the simple life and the here and now.
They also believe we don't have to expect to change our way of life, because it may break up the happiness that is currently there. (vague meaning)
From my point of view, lives need changes.
Change is helpful for the development of our society.
Even though every coin has two sides in which change may not yield good results, we must persevere and keep in mind that success isn't achieved all at once. (kind of vague at the end)
We should not give up on change just because of some unpredictable outcomes. (this sentence sounds like you're going against your previous stance)
Therefore, I personally believe that we ought to spend our lives embracing change. (a little extreme, but probably a more direct ending sentence)
Very well written, but your opinionated portion of the essay seems rushed and not too detailed. Try to write more on your own opinion and give it examples to support yourself.