part of my argument , please pick some grammar mistakes
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In recent years,there are increasing number of films and TV programmes appeared which involved a host of violent content.Some people believe that the violent crimes in society would be remarkably increased if the government do not legislate to control those violent scenes.In my opinion,however,this argument is not persuasive because of the weak causal relationship between crime rate and violent contant in art works.
Undoubtedly,many criminals,especially those youngsters, admitted that they had watched such violent films before.However,this research could just be a part of the story.On the one hand,this statistics didn't show that how many people,who have never committed a crime,had watched such films.On the other hand,the research did't reveal the possibilities that those criminals still likely to commit the crime if they had never seen the violet film before.
More importantly,from a liberalism standpoint, the government must show their respect to people and filmmakers.Paternalism could not perform a good function to a society even if it could solve some short-term problem.
Undoubtedly,many criminals,especially those youngsters, admitted that they had watched such violent films before.However,this research could just be a part of the story.On the one hand,this statistics didn't show that how many people,who have never committed a crime,had watched such films.On the other hand,the research did't reveal the possibilities that those criminals still likely to commit the crime if they had never seen the violet film before.
More importantly,from a liberalism standpoint, the government must show their respect to people and filmmakers.Paternalism could not perform a good function to a society even if it could solve some short-term problem.
In recent years, there are an increasing number of films and TV programmes appearing which involve a host large amount of violent content. (I don't think host can be used in this context)
Some people believe that the violent crimes in society would be remarkably increased considerably if the government does not create legislation to control the broadcasting of such violent scenes. (this sounds a bit more natural)
In my opinion,however,this argument is not persuasive because of the weak causal relationship between crime rate and violent content in the arts.
Undoubtedly,many criminals,especially those youngsters, admitted that they had watched such violent films before.
On the other hand,the research didn't reveal the possibility of whether or not that those criminals were still likely to commit the crime even if they had never seen the violent film before.
More importantly,from a liberalist standpoint, the government must show their respect to people and filmmakers.
Paternalism does not perform a good function (strange) to a society even if it could solve some short-term problems.
Just a general note when you use a comma, make sure you follow it with a space (as I just did in this sentence).