Is There A Huge Difference Between "Would you〜?" And "Could you〜?"
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I've ever read a book,"Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." written by John Gray. The book is about how to keep a good relationship between men and women. The author suggested women to use "Would you〜？" in stead of "Could you 〜？" when you like to ask something to your boyfriend or husband because there is a huge difference between them.
At first, I didn't recognize any big difference. We learned at school that both expressions are equally polite. But he insisted in his book that if you constantly use "Would you 〜？"in your daily conversation, you might not be able to maintain a good relationship with your spouse or boyfriend.
Here is his explanation: "Could you〜？" originally comes from "Can you 〜？", which is a politer question, but it also implies whether you have an ability or not.
So, "Could you take out a garbage?" has a slight nuance that "You have an ability to take out a garbage and why you don't do that?" Thus, there's a possibility that men might take it as a criticism.
I'd like to ask male native speakers of English?
If your girl friend or wife ask you as follows, do you feel bad?
"Could you bring a beer ?"
"Could you wash the dishes?"
"Could you fix our lunch?"
"Could you drive a car?"
and on and on everyday...
Is his explanation valid?
At first, I didn't recognize any big difference. We learned at school that both expressions are equally polite. But he insisted in his book that if you constantly use "Would you 〜？"in your daily conversation, you might not be able to maintain a good relationship with your spouse or boyfriend.
Here is his explanation: "Could you〜？" originally comes from "Can you 〜？", which is a politer question, but it also implies whether you have an ability or not.
So, "Could you take out a garbage?" has a slight nuance that "You have an ability to take out a garbage and why you don't do that?" Thus, there's a possibility that men might take it as a criticism.
I'd like to ask male native speakers of English?
If your girl friend or wife ask you as follows, do you feel bad?
"Could you bring a beer ?"
"Could you wash the dishes?"
"Could you fix our lunch?"
"Could you drive a car?"
and on and on everyday...
Is his explanation valid?
I think 'could you~' is less imposing, and 'would you~' implies that the listener has an obligation.
For example, if I hear 'Could you get me a drink?', I say 'Of course!' or 'Sure'. But if I hear 'Would you get me a drink?' I say 'I'm so sorry! I should've offered you one earlier. I'll get it now.'
I haven't had a relationship though so that might be different, haha.
It's easier to get along well with a man who are easy-going, generous and not meticulous. Don't you think so?
The author suggested women use "Would you〜？
" instead of "Could you 〜？
" when you want to ask something to your boyfriend or husband because there is a huge difference between them.
Thanks a lot! While reading your comments, I'm just wondering why his book is so popular all over. Recently, I saw his new books were piled up at a book store.
I don't think I hear people say "could you...?" very often. More often than not, it's "CAN you....?" and when my son used to say it, I'd tease him by replying "Well, sure I CAN do it, but the question is WILL I do it?" XD ....because asking "Would you please....?" is generally considered more polite. I think adding the "please" would be the key in making a "would" question sound more humble.
For the record, I don't agree with the previous replies about it. Take that for what you feel it's worth. :)
You can see his new books (translated version) at a book store now.
I've ever read a book,"Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." written by John Gray.
The book is about how to maintain good relationships between men and women.
So, "Could you take out a garbage?" has a slight nuance that "You have an ability to take out a garbage and why don't you do that?" Thus, there's a possibility that men might take it as a criticism.
If your girl friend or wife asks you as follows, would you feel bad?If you girl friend asks you or you wife asks you. One or the other, it's singular. If they both ask you, you can use the plural. That's how it sounds better to me.
In Hebrew there is a could you do it but not a would you do it that comes to mind. In any case, there is an expression for please and that makes all the difference.
As far as Mr. Gray's idea I would say the you can make a case for either one to be nice or annoying. Everything depends on the sincerity in the tone of voice.
OK, sincerity in the tone of voice. I'll try. ありがとうございました。
I can't figure out to say ： "Today it's alright. Now we're friends."
How would you say "former wife"?
"former wife"→ 前妻
「私達は良い友達になりましたね。」が正しい表現です。
失礼しました。
But I could be wrong. ^^;