Her Voice Forum
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This afternoon I attended an activity called "Her Voice Forum". All of the founders of this forum are women, who are eager to inspire women to find, chase and fulfill their dreams. In order to achieve this goal, successful or influential women are frequently invited to share their experience. Their stories are believed to be able to inspire more people.
This afternoon, there were three special guests: one writer, one pianist and one artist. I was totally moved by the story of the artist. Her name was Zizi Su, 21 years old, a junior student. She had a tragic childhood. Her parents divorced when she was 3 years old. And then she was sent to her grandmother and was raised by her. Three years ago, she went into a famous university. But she did not have enough money to support her education. She tried a lot of temporary jobs in order to earn money. She even worked as a body model.
It's well-known that Chinese people are relative conservative. Outer criticism flooded around her in no time. Fortunately, her heart was very powerful and she withstood all the pressure. Now she sees the dawn of light.
This afternoon, there were three special guests: one writer, one pianist and one artist. I was totally moved by the story of the artist. Her name was Zizi Su, 21 years old, a junior student. She had a tragic childhood. Her parents divorced when she was 3 years old. And then she was sent to her grandmother and was raised by her. Three years ago, she went into a famous university. But she did not have enough money to support her education. She tried a lot of temporary jobs in order to earn money. She even worked as a body model.
It's well-known that Chinese people are relative conservative. Outer criticism flooded around her in no time. Fortunately, her heart was very powerful and she withstood all the pressure. Now she sees the dawn of light.
Her name is Zizi Su. She is 21 years old and in her junior year of college..
You can also say "was" but it makes it sound like the event took place a while ago. Normally in English you always use the the past tense even if it only happened 5 minutes ago but things like names and people's ages are somewhat permanent details so maybe that is why it is different.
Her parents divorced when she was only 3 years old.
Three years ago, she got accepted to a famous university.
This afternoon I attended a presentation called "Her Voice Forum".
"Activity" tends to refer more to things like hikes or painting session, not so much to discussions. "Forum" might be a better choice than presentation, but then you'd be repeating the word in the next sentence.
All of the founders of this forum are women, who are eager to inspire women to find, chase and fulfill their dreams.
The command needs to go because the clause is restrictive, or I think it is. Otherwise, you could break it into two sentences: "... are women. They are eager..."
In order to achieve this goal, successful and influential women are frequently invited to share their experience.
"And" seems more natural, probably because the phrase is meant to be inclusive, that is, women who are successful or are influential both are invited. The two adjectives overlap in that influential women generally are considered successful, so it's a bit strange to use an "or", I guess.
Their stories are believed to be able to inspire more people.
Or, "People believe that their stories are able to...". I would void the passive voice, since it interrupts the flow.
This afternoon, there were three special guests: a writer, a pianist and a artist.
I would use "a" instead of "one" since there's no need to emphasize the exact number.
I was totally moved by the story of the artist.
"Totally moved" seems like slang or spoken language to me. I would avoid it in writing. "Deeply moved" is common, so that'd work.
Her name was Zizi Su. She is 21 years old, and is a junior in college.
The other correction is good, too. This is just another way that works. "A junior student" is similar to "a junior coworker". Both mean that the person is junior to someone else, but not necessarily in a junior year of school or the like.
And then she was sent to live with her grandmother and was raised by her.
"And" generally shouldn't start a sentence. You could combine this sentence with the previous one and use a comma, though. I think this wording about sending her to her grandmother is a bit more clear.
Three years ago, she entered a famous university.
This way works, too. I think it's a bit closer to the precise meaning you intended with your sentence.
, but she did not have enough money to pay for her education.
This needs to be part of the previous sentence. Breaking up conjunctions tends to make the flow choppy. You can "support yourself", but I don't think the verb works for an education.
She even worked as a body model.
I don't know what a body model is. I am not sure it's a very common term in English.
It's well-known that Chinese people are relatively conservative.
She received a flood of criticism in no time.
The passive voice with "flood" doesn't seem quite right to me.