Why people go to school?

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May 22, 2012 07:44
The title is sample question of TOEFL test. TOEFL test requires special skill for academic writing. Specific to say, I should lesson for writing style or form. So I try to do it by summery in here.

*Sample Q1.
People attend school for many different reasons (for example, expanded knowledge, societal awareness, and enhanced interpersonal relationships). Why do you think people decide to go to school? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

*My answer
I think people go to school to earn variety of experience, especially college students. My statement is following the two reasons.

Firstly, college students can earn a knowledge of field in their major and minor. It is useful in time they seek a job.

Secondly, college students can earn a relationship to a lot of people. College is melting pot because it is composed to people who is from variety of states or other countries. Hense college students face to cultual gap and it makes students character unique and students life meaningful.

Therefore I think people go to school especially college student in below reasons.
sid87pl
May 22, 2012 07:56

Hi,
You should write about 300-350 words in order to succesfully respond to TOEFL independent writing question. Try to write a 300 words or more essay everyday in one hour. After some time start to gadually reducing writing time. Your goal is to write complete essay in 30 minutes.
Good luck!

May 24, 2012 05:07 yusskei
I understand your suggestion. That is right.
Aliene
Thank you for your correction!
May 22, 2012 12:11
  • The title is sample question of TOEFL test.

  • The title is a sample question from the TOEFL test.

 
  • TOEFL test requires special skill for academic writing.

  • The TOEFL test requires special skill for academic writing.

 
  • Specific to say, I should lesson for writing style or form.

  • Specifically speaking, I should get lessons on writing style or form.

 
  • So I try to do it by summery in here.

  • So I try to do it by writing summaries here.

 
  • People attend school for many different reasons (for example, expanded knowledge, societal awareness, and enhanced interpersonal relationships).

  • People attend school for many different reasons (for example, expanding their knowledge, increasing societal awareness, and to enhanced interpersonal relationships).

    I think you mean "social awareness" though. That means how socially aware the person is. "Societal awareness" would be the other way around; how society is aware or not of something. Or was this the TOEFL test question copied in full???

 
  • I think people go to school to earn variety of experience, especially college students.

  • I think people go to school to earn a variety of experience, especially college students.

 
  • My statement is following the two reasons.

  • My statement is made based on the two following the two reasons.

 
  • Firstly, college students can earn a knowledge of field in their major and minor.

  • Firstly, college students can gain knowledge of a specific field in their major and minor areas of study.

 
  • It is useful in time they seek a job.

  • It is useful when they seek a job.

 
  • Secondly, college students can earn a relationship to a lot of people.

  • Secondly, college students can gain relationships with many people.

    People = countable noun

 
  • College is melting pot because it is composed to people who is from variety of states or other countries.

  • College is a melting pot of cultures (you would normally have to say what kind of melting pot it is) because it is attended by from variety a of states or other countries.

 
  • Hense college students face to cultual gap and it makes students character unique and students life meaningful.

  • Hence college students face cultural differences and it makes the students' characters unique and their life meaningful.

    It's understood the subject of the sentence is "students" so to improve the fluency of the writing, try not to use the word "students" so many times. It's not needed :)

 
  • Therefore I think people go to school especially college student in below reasons.

  • Therefore I think people go to school, especially college students, for the above reasons.

    When you say "following" you must list the items AFTER writing "following"; same goes for "below". If the reasons/list was written before the sentence, you need to say "the above".

 

May 24, 2012 04:55 yusskei

  • People attend school for many different reasons (for example, expanding their knowledge, increasing societal awareness, and to enhanced interpersonal relationships).

    I think you mean "social awareness" though. That means how socially aware the person is. "Societal awareness" would be the other way around; how society is aware or not of something. Or was this the TOEFL test question copied in full???

Yes, I copied in full. I think that question means the awareness of student in social because of having degree. Thanks.

May 24, 2012 05:00 yusskei

  • College is a melting pot of cultures (you would normally have to say what kind of melting pot it is) because it is attended by from variety a of states or other countries.

Is "a" of "variety a of state" needed?

May 24, 2012 05:05 yusskei

  • Therefore I think people go to school, especially college students, for the above reasons.

    When you say "following" you must list the items AFTER writing "following"; same goes for "below". If the reasons/list was written before the sentence, you need to say "the above".

It is my simple mistake. You are right, I actually mean "the above". Thanks.

May 24, 2012 05:14 yusskei
I have a question. Tell me the reason why you correct "earn" to "gain" in abobe. Is it more natural?

May 24, 2012 10:52 Aliene
Is "a" of "variety a of state" needed?
-->

I mis-typed. It should be: "because it is attended by a variety of states or other countries." And yes, "a" is necessary.

I have a question. Tell me the reason why you correct "earn" to "gain" in abobe. Is it more natural? --->

It's just a more common way to say this; we normally don't refer to getting knowledge as "earning" knowledge.

May 24, 2012 12:43 yusskei
I understand it. Thank you!

May 24, 2012 12:52 Aliene
You're welcome!
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The title is sample question of TOEFL test. TOEFL test requires special skill for academic writing. Specific to say, I should lesson for writing style or form. So I try to do it by summery in here. *Sample Q1. People attend school for many different reasons (for example, expanded knowledge, soci


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