Analysis Essay. I really worry about grammar and sentence. How shall i improve these myself?

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Mar 11, 2013 23:56
Topic : Explain the major reasons for the dropout rate in South Korea’s College.

This is evident that in our modern society that how universities develop students has enormous importance in our lives. Students who graduate from 4 years university programs have not been assured of flourishing future including high income and stable jobs in 21st century’s society. Hence, most people think that the government should make an effort to give the student a good variety of university education opportunity. I think there are two main reasons causing the high dropout rate in South Korea’s universities with increasing tuition fee and transferring to prestigious colleges.

First of all, the most important reason for my feeling this way is that tuition fee led the student to drop their study. In order to graduate properly, students are required to pay not only education fee but also living and socializing money for 4 years. Although students who are not able to afford these budgets can borrow money from education mortgage of bank with 10 years contract, they have to cost a little amount of debts’ interest every month at least. It means that they are about to be delinquent borrower right after graduation until paying scot and lot. However, this is not the end because the students are not well prepared for developing their ability to find a job such as English-speaking, computer office programs and interview skills than other students. According to my older brother’s case, Jin got into Yeonsei University, which is a prestigious university in South Korea, with a full years scholarship (\8,795,400 per year in 2009). But, his father’s business bankrupted. He had to work and study at the same time. But his first semester’s grades were below B. The university notified his scholarship stopped according to the college’s rule. Adverse circumstance with unlimited increased fees compelled him to take a leave of absence for study. This was because his family’s lowest credit status was not able to borrow education mortgage program form the bank. Although he tried his best, eventually he quit his college last year for earning a livelihood (\9,074,700 per year in 2010). This example clearly shows that tuition fee affects student’s high dropout rate.

Also, another reason for my thinking this way is that students want to transfer their current university to local and foreign prestigious colleges. This is because students believe that job opportunities such as interview and internship haven narrowed to highly regarded universities after experiencing IMF’s (International Monetary Fund) period of time which was extremely severe economic recession. Although many students are studying hard in their position, they regarded themselves as a looser if they are not the students of prestigious universities in Korea. This is because it still matters in our society which university you graduated from and the tie you have with other alumni. That is why students think that they are rejected from finding a job because of his school name. In other words, we have to be equipped ourselves to be competitive than others as it is not easy to find a decent job. From the reason, students began to believe that their schooling background will affect their competitive job application. They think of well-known colleges would give them more and better opportunities. A student Jung-eun was a student in unpopular university, South Korea. When she was sophomore, she worried about her future because most her college’s senior student failed to get a job that they applied. She decided to transfer to a better college which she believed. She studied English one and half year and finally was able to be admitted into University of California at Los Angeles. She successfully graduated and got a job at Google Asia market department. Her example shows that students want to achieve recognition by transferring universities.

All things considered the reasons mentioned above, it is believed that increasing tuition fee and transferring college have been leading students to dropout in College especially in South Korea. These two reasons explained my position on the matter regarding this topic.

(paraphrased version)
All things considered the reasons mentioned above, it is believed that South Korea’s education issue is not just educational matter. University should give student many opportunities can strive for their promising future. However, the increasing educational expenditure of child and passing the university entrance examination to be transfer student have been leading students to dropout in College especially in South Korea. These two reasons explained my position on the matter regarding this topic.
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