Please make remarks my mistakes. ^^ Topic : Art and music class should be required in young children's school like science and math class.

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Mar 31, 2012 15:16
I am a student who is studying TOEFL.
So, I hope to get productive criticisms. ^^
Particularly, logic, example.

It is evidence in our current society art and music classes have tremendous importance in our lives. Some people think that Science and Math classes are more important. I however, I believe that Art and Music classes are indispensible in our entire life. There are several reasons that I could discuss to support discussion, so I will limit my discussion to the two that I feel are the most relevant to this topic. First, it is good for our creative. Also, it is necessary for our health.

First of all, the most important reason for my thinking this way is that it is easier to become a successful professional. Commonly in society, many companies tend to prefer people who have an ability of creative. If people take these art classes, they will be able to obtain a method of creative thinking which is essential to succeed in the workplace. A really good example can be seen in Steve Jobs, I read online that Jobs, transformed his company into the most profitable information technology enterprises in the world. In one of his interview he said that when he was university students, He took calligraphy classes to learn unique character. By taking these courses, he was taught many ideas of image and art. As a result, he was able to create many hit products, such as iPhone, iPad, which are the most successful electronic products. This example clearly shows that art classes lead people’s creative thought because of the success it entails.

Also, another reason for my feeling this way is that Students receive a substantial amount of stress. Students in high school are stressed out because of the tremendous workload which they have to cope with. If they don’t have a chance to learn art and music, they will not be able to enjoy their school lives which may lead to health problems. A recent article I read on Korean Herald revealed some interesting findings. According to the article, many Seocho High School students claimed that they had stomach problems. I found it interesting because this article mentioned this was due to the fact that they were stressed out because they had a lot of homework. Just last year, my uncle, Tom had ulcer because a lot of calculus homework. This is because he was not able to have a time to refresh himself and relieve stress with friends. This example is a clear indicator that students need art and music class for their health because not doing so cause too much stress.

All things considered, with the reasons mentioned above, I believe that I have sufficiently and adequately explained my position on the matters regarding this topic