Flight Delay

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Feb 17, 2016 10:27
Yesterday, I came back from three day trip to Toronto.
The return flight was delayed by three hours because of heavy snow in Newark airport.
We arrived at Newark airport at 0:30am instead of 21:30.
My kids could kill spare time by watching Japanese anime on my ipad and drinking Coke, both of which I don’t allow them to do in their ordinary life.
After the arrival, we went to a valley parking to pick up my car.
It was crowded with people who were affected by delayed fights like us.
The operation of the parking was not organized at all.
Some of the customers had been waiting for the delivery of the car for one more hours.
One of them was shouting at a clerk about her car key which the parking company had lost.
Fortunately, our car was delivered after 15 minutes waiting in the cold lobby.
We arrived home at 3am.
I hope the delay will not be more impressive for my kids than the travel activities in Toronto.
Meatshield
Feb 17, 2016 10:59
  • Yesterday, I came back from three day trip to Toronto.

  • Yesterday, I came back from a three day trip to Toronto.

 
  • The return flight was delayed by three hours because of heavy snow in Newark airport.

  • The return flight was delayed for three hours because of heavy snow near Newark Airport.

 
  • We arrived at Newark airport at 0:30am instead of 21:30.

  • We arrived at Newark Airport at 12:30 am instead of 9:30 pm.

 
  • My kids could kill spare time by watching Japanese anime on my ipad and drinking Coke, both of which I don’t allow them to do in their ordinary life.

  • My kids killed spare time by watching Japanese anime on my iPad and drinking Coke, both of which I don’t allow them to do normally.

 
  • After the arrival, we went to a valley parking to pick up my car.

  • After we arrived, we went to the valet parking to pick up my car.

 
  • It was crowded with people who were affected by delayed fights like us.

  • It was crowded with people who were affected by delayed fights like us.

    Could add "the" to specify that you mean the delayed flights at Newark Airport, but the way you wrote it was good.

 
  • The operation of the parking was not organized at all.

  • The parking was not well-organized at all.

 
  • Some of the customers had been waiting for the delivery of the car for one more hours.

  • Some of the customers had been waiting for the delivery of their car for more than an hour.

 
  • One of them was shouting at a clerk about her car key which the parking company had lost.

  • One of them was shouting at a clerk about her car key, which the parking company had lost.

 
  • Fortunately, our car was delivered after 15 minutes waiting in the cold lobby.

  • Fortunately, our car was delivered after waiting for 15 minutes in the cold lobby.

 
  • I hope the delay will not be more impressive for my kids than the travel activities in Toronto.

  • I hope the delay will not make a bigger impression on my kids than the activities we did in Toronto.

 
Thank you for your correction!
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Yesterday, I came back from three day trip to Toronto. The return flight was delayed by three hours because of heavy snow in Newark airport. We arrived at Newark airport at 0:30am instead of 21:30. My kids could kill spare time by watching Japanese anime on my ipad and drinking Coke, both of which


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