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Email to the Hotel

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May 22nd 2012 11:10
I’m planning my family tour to Palm Springs this weekend.
My boss recommended and booked a hotel through the GM of the hotel who he knows well.
I wrote an email to the GM as follows;
“Hello -----san,
Thank you for your kind offer despite busy weekend.
I would like to stay at your hotel as your offer.
I have never been to your great resort, although I have heard of good reputations from many of my colleagues.
We are group of four including my wife, 7years old son and 2years old son who doesn't need a bed.
We will stay on 27th May for 1night and check in at around 17:00.
I’m looking forward to staying at your hotel.
Sincerely yours,”
Are there something strange expressions?
Ray 2K13
Thank you for your correction!
May 22nd 2012 11:21
  • I wrote an email to the GM as follows;

  • I wrote an email to the general manager as follows;

    I understood "GM," but I'm not sure others would.

 
  • Thank you for your kind offer despite busy weekend.

  • Thank you for your kind offer despite this being a busy weekend.

 
  • I would like to stay at your hotel as your offer.

  • I would like to stay at your hotel as per your offer.

 
  • I have never been to your great resort, although I have heard of good reputations from many of my colleagues.

  • I have never been to your great resort, although I have heard good things about it from many of my colleagues.

    Or, "although it has a good reputation among my colleagues." I prefer my original suggestion, "good things."

 
  • We are group of four including my wife, 7years old son and 2years old son who doesn't need a bed.

  • We are a group of four including my wife, 7-year old son and 2-year old son who doesn't need a bed.

 
  • We will stay on 27th May for 1night and check in at around 17:00.

  • We will stay on the 27th of May for 1 night and check in at around 17:00.

    I'm surprised at the use of the 24 hour clock. We use it in Canada, but I think in the US you're better off saying "at around 5 PM." I may be wrong.

 
  • Are there something strange expressions?

  • Are there any strange expressions?

 
May 22nd 2012 11:22 Ray 2K13
Have a nice weekend! :)
May 23rd 2012 21:52 Akira
Thank you Ray-san.
May 23rd 2012 21:55 Akira
“

  • We will stay on the 27th of May for 1 night and check in at around 17:00.

    I'm surprised at the use of the 24 hour clock. We use it in Canada, but I think in the US you're better off saying "at around 5 PM." I may be wrong.

”
I don't know the 24 hour clock is common in the US. In our industry, tourisim industry, we use it often to avoid misunderstanding of the itinerary.
May 23rd 2012 21:58 Akira
“

  • I wrote an email to the general manager as follows;

    I understood "GM," but I'm not sure others would.

”
There are full of abbreviations in English. They often make me confused.
Thank you for your advise.
Eefara
Thank you for your correction!
May 22nd 2012 11:26
  • Email to the Hotel

  • E-mail to the Hotel

 
  • I’m planning my family tour to Palm Springs this weekend.

  • I’m planning my family tour to Palm Springs this weekend.

    Family tour or vacation? I assume you mean the latter.

 
  • I wrote an email to the GM as follows;

  • I wrote an email to the GM as follows:

 
  • Thank you for your kind offer despite busy weekend.

  • Thank you for your kind offer despite the busy weekend.

 
  • I would like to stay at your hotel as your offer.

  • I would like to stay at your hotel as per your offer.

    "Per" as in "according to" or "referring to".

 
  • I have never been to your great resort, although I have heard of good reputations from many of my colleagues.

  • I have never been to your great resort, although I have heard of its good reputation from many of my colleagues.

 
  • We are group of four including my wife, 7years old son and 2years old son who doesn't need a bed.

  • We are group of four including my wife, 7 year old son and 2 year old son who doesn't need a bed.

    There's no need to pluralize "year" when referring to age.

 
  • We will stay on 27th May for 1night and check in at around 17:00.

  • We will stay on the 27th of May for 1 night and check in at around 17:00.

    In the US, it's a bit more common to say "on May 27" (with or without the "th") and much more common to simply put 5:00 pm.

 
  • Sincerely yours,”

  • Sincerely yours,”

    You might be able to use "Sincerely yours" (I don't know off the top of my head), but simply "Sincerely" is most common.

 
  • Are there something strange expressions?

  • Are there something any strange expressions?

 
English-wise, no, there weren't. Everything sounded like an e-mail to a hotel GM. (Though I'm not used to booking a room through the GM himself.)
May 23rd 2012 21:59 Akira
“

  • I’m planning my family tour to Palm Springs this weekend.

    Family tour or vacation? I assume you mean the latter.

”
It's avvacation.
May 23rd 2012 22:00 Akira
“

  • We are group of four including my wife, 7 year old son and 2 year old son who doesn't need a bed.

    There's no need to pluralize "year" when referring to age.

”
I forgot a basic grammar rule.
May 23rd 2012 22:03 Akira
“

  • Sincerely yours,”

    You might be able to use "Sincerely yours" (I don't know off the top of my head), but simply "Sincerely" is most common.

”
It's very helpful.
May 23rd 2012 22:07 Akira
“

  • We will stay on the 27th of May for 1 night and check in at around 17:00.

    In the US, it's a bit more common to say "on May 27" (with or without the "th") and much more common to simply put 5:00 pm.

”
I have to be accustomed to the American way of time expression.
May 23rd 2012 22:08 Akira
Thank you EeFara-san. I memorize your corrections.
May 25th 2012 23:32 Eefara
Your welcome!
May 25th 2012 23:44 Eefara
*You're

Whoops, I need to quit typing so fast..
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