A lot of pills go in the journey

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Feb 9, 2018 06:01
A lot of pills go in the journey
Long journey into my blue veins
To stop me feeling so lonely
To stop me feeling so depressed

And now I feel so nice and blurred
I swing, deep breath and close my eyes
I like this strange, unstable mood
When it feels like a paradise
Tyler
Feb 9, 2018 13:02
  • A lot of pills go in the journey

  • A lot of pills go into the journey

 
  • Long journey into my blue veins
  • This sentence is perfect! No correction needed!
 
  • To stop me feeling so lonely

  • To stop me from feeling so lonely

 
  • To stop me feeling so depressed

  • To stop me from feeling so depressed

 
  • And now I feel so nice and blurred

  • And now I feel so nice and blurred

    Can you say blurred a different way? not sure what you mean

 
  • I swing, deep breath and close my eyes
  • This sentence is perfect! No correction needed!
 
  • I like this strange, unstable mood
  • This sentence is perfect! No correction needed!
 
  • When it feels like a paradise

  • When it feels like a paradise

 

I'm no poet, but I think you did a great job :D

Mac
Feb 9, 2018 13:21
  • When it feels like a paradise

  • When it feels like a paradise

    if you omit "a," it sounds like you are talking about Paradise (ie Eden/Heaven)

 

 
Feb 9, 2018 13:22 Mac
  • I'm impressed by your ability to find rhymes. I have a lot of trouble with that in Serbian and Russian because of the case system and verb conjugations. I suppose you have to approach it in an entirely different way.

 
Feb 10, 2018 07:13 Kseniya
  • Thank you, my friend!

 
Feb 10, 2018 07:25 Mac
  • I'm still thinking about the line from "Garnet juice." I will come up with something before I go out tonight.

 
Feb 10, 2018 07:31 Kseniya
  • What do you think about it, can you tell me?

 
Feb 10, 2018 07:38 Kseniya
  • Do you mean line "You are material for create "?
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A lot of pills go in the journey Long journey into my blue veins To stop me feeling so lonely To stop me feeling so depressed And now I feel so nice and blurred I swing, deep breath and close my eyes I like this strange, unstable mood When it feels like a paradise


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