Yesterday, someone told me that she wonder if I am someone she know...

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May 23, 2017 10:38
Yesterday, someone told me that she wonder if I am someone she knows, but pretending I do not know her on purpose.
The day before yesterday, I had came across an entry that she may leave this site, so I left her a one line message that I wish you never leave lang-8, and then she said she thought that was so odd.
Come to think of it, we are not close enough to exchange private messages, so I think it must have felt like an abrupt request.

In fact, I have been using this site, it was easy to see users quitting.
As far as I was concerned, there were only two guys out of every leavers, one was Japanese "mia" and another was Mexican "Héctor".

When I first came this site, I was going to learning Japanese language and I had an amount of help, however, it was ironic the dedicated to helping me were Japanese who have no interests in learning Korean language.
So I have had the burden ever since I joined lang-8, just in time, I came across a Japanese who was studying Korean back then, I planned to return the favour I had received to her because she has the same nationality as my benefactor.

However, her some attitudes were beyond my comprehension.
Well, I had neither knowledge nor understanding of Japanese culture and even now.
In the case of Héctor, maybe I am the one who should have cared for him better.

I know, nothing I think makes any difference...
I can't help but think if I had taken care of each of them, they would be learning Korean now.
I even had heard it is harder to make Korean friends than it looks, hope they would not feel that way even more on account of me.
어제 나는 누군가에게 자신의 지인인데 일부러 숨기는 게 아니냐는 오해를 받았어.
그저께 그 분은 lang-8을 그만둘지도 모르겠다는 글을 올려서 떠나지 마시라는 한 줄의 메시지를 보냈더니 그게 수상하단 것이었어.
생각해보니 메시지 한 번 보내지 않던 내가 난데없이 보냈으니 충분히 의심하고도 남을 상황이었던 것 같아.

사실 그동안 lang-8을 하면서 탈퇴하는 사람을 적지 않게 봐왔어.
그중에서 나와 관련이 있다고 생각되는 사람은 두 사람인데, 한 사람은 일본인인 mia라는 아이였고, 나머지 한 사람은 멕시코인인 Héctor였어.

난 초기에 lang-8에서 일본어 공부를 하려 했었고, 도움을 많이 받았는데 아이러니하게 나에게 성심껏 도움을 준 사람들은 일본인이면서 한국어를 공부하지 않는 사람들이었어.
때문에 도움만 받는 것에 대해 은근한 부담을 느끼고 있었는데, 마침 한국어를 공부하던 mia라는 아이를 알게 되었고, 난 일본인이라는 이유 하나로 걔에게 대신 갚고자 하는 생각이었지.

하지만 그녀의 반응들 중엔 수긍하기 힘든 게 몇몇 있었어.
뭐~ 차이를 받아들일 수 있는 지식도 준비도 없었던 거지. 지금도 마찬가지고.
Héctor의 경우에는 보다 세심하게 신경을 써 주었어야 했는지도 몰라.

이제 와서 신경 써도 소용없단 걸 알지만...
적어도 내가 조금 더 신경 써 줬으면 계속 활동하지 않았을까 하는 생각 때문에.
한국인 친구를 생각보다 만들기 어렵다는 말도 들었었는데, 나 때문에 그 생각이 더 굳어지지는 않았으면 좋겠어.