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please correct my essay introduction!

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Dec 04th 2011 00:44
I have been writing an essay, and this is the introduction.
Could you please correct it, and if there are better ways to wirte, let me know!

Thank you so much in advance=)

People vocalize because it is a means of communication with other people and an expression of themselves.

However, at the same time, we obtain other information as well from their speaking.

Pygmalion, a story of a flower girl, who gets out of poverty with improving her speaking, insists that speaking is not just a communication tool, but it is also utilized to evaluate people’s abilities for careers, social classes, and personalities.

Mauro E. Mujica, John Esling, and Maxine Hong Kingston from Exploring Language certify it in their articles.

People are judged by their speaking.
suhh
Dec 04th 2011 00:56
  • Could you please correct it, and if there are better ways to wirte, let me know!

  • Could you please correct it, and if there are better ways to write, let me know!

 
  • People vocalize because it is a means of communication with other people and an expression of themselves.

  • People vocalize because it is a means of communication with other people and a form of expressing themselves.

 
  • However, at the same time, we obtain other information as well from their speaking.

  • However, at the same time, we obtain different information from what the other person is saying.

 
  • Pygmalion, a story of a flower girl, who gets out of poverty with improving her speaking, insists that speaking is not just a communication tool, but it is also utilized to evaluate people’s abilities for careers, social classes, and personalities.

  • Pygmalion, a story of a flower girl, who gets out of poverty with the improvement of her speaking, insists that speaking is not just a communication tool, but it is also use to evaluate peoples abilities for careers, social classes, and personalities.

 
  • People are judged by their speaking.

  • People are judged by what they say/vocalize.

 
I think you just repeated a few times some words and used some verbs in the wrong time but still, that's a pretty good essay introduction!
Dec 04th 2011 01:03 Abby
Thank you so much!!
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I have been writing an essay, and this is the introduction. Could you please correct it, and if there are better ways to wirte, let me know! Thank you so much in advance=) People vocalize because it is a means of communication with other people and an expression of themselves. However, at


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