Shinto prayer

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Sep 25, 2018 10:02
I'm writing a story in which I had the main character (日系四世のアメリカ人女性 who was raised by her grandmother, and spent summer vacations with cousins in Japan, and is now trapped in the past due to an accident involving her physicist husband's time viewer) pray to the Shinto kami. I'd like opinions as to the naturalness of the Japanese I composed for the prayer (apologies for the romaji, but it's being written for an English speaking audience):

I'd set up a crude shrine, or at least a start at one, under the lean-to. Before this shrine I sat *seiza* style, bowed, and prayed, "*Kami-sama, otto o watashi ni tsurete, tagai ni modoru koto o yurushite onegai shimasu. Aruiwa, jibun de jibun no jidai ni modoru koto o yurushite onegai shimasu. Amaterasu, hi no okami, michi o akaruku shite onegai shimasu. Inari, shukaku no okami, tabemono o teikyou shite onegai shimasu. Susano, umi to arashi no okami, jibun no ikari kara mamotte onegai shimasu.*" O gods, please lead my husband to me and permit us to return together, or permit me to return to my own time on my own. Amaterasu, great goddess of the sun, please guide my path. Inari, great god of the harvest, please provide me with food. Susano, great god of the sea and storms, please shield me from your wrath.
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